Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
