he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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