Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
