I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
