i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
