stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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