Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
are you so shy because you have an std?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
