hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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