hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
