I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
