just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
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I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
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Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize