A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
No subtext here. People are naked.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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