last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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