it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
