remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
