you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
