Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
