I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I can text with my tongue
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
