i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
