...so i touched it.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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