highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
