im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
