just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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