toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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