it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
