Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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