dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
lol hangovers are for mortals.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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