You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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