I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm like, not good at living.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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