so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Randomize
