Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
