i don't like sucking hair
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
pray to the hookup gods
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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