im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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