Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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