A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
