he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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