I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
