There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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