Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
either way he was missing a nipple.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
