drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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