My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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