i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
