I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You are a genius and a whore.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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