So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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