she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
