That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
