yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
