i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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