I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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