I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My nipple is on Facebook.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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