The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
