Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
