That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
