i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
