Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I believe in your delicious
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
