literally had 100 drinks last night.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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