How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
