He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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