he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
