I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
