Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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