Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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