Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
