ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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