my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
