she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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