i permit you to call me
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
