It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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