Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
