so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
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She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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